I live in this place...

Bonnaroo was great. It was a whirlwind of greatness. Being with my best friend, listening to great music, not having to work, not looking at a computer all of it great. I'm not going to tell the whole story (... and then we got off the bus, walked to our site, pitched our tents) because I don't have the attention span for things like that. However, I will give anecdotes.

• The impact of the American consumer culture on me became clear when we decided to leave our new, $30 tents in TN rather than lug them back. You sleep in a $30 tent for 4 nights and it costs $7.50 per night. That is lower than any hotel room ever.
• The effect of aging on my body became apparent last weekend. Now, I will first give a disclaimer that I in no way think I am old at 28. However, it took me three days to recover from Bonnaroo in terms of sleep. I also wanted to ask all the kids to please stop smoking so much pot around me. They seriously need a non-pot-smoking section at this thing.
• The Nashville airport is the most boring place I have ever been. It is especially boring when you spend a total of 16 hours there. In Nashville airport Holiday Inn Express, I had the best shower of my life. I washed 4 days of camping off my body and out of my hair. Unfortunately, that Holiday Inn Express took the money for my post-Bonnaroo facial.
• I didn't get sunburned.
• No Rinse shampoo is not designed for people with 1000 pounds of hair like mine. I would have had to use 3/4 of the bottle for one complete wash, and one incomplete was left my hair gross.
• Houston's heat has left me practically immune to other place's heat. Most of what I remember from my first 2 Bonnaroos is being hot; however, I was only unbearably hot once during this trip.
• I am not allowed to wear natural fibers at music festivals. Last year, at Lollapalooza, I almost had a heat stroke in my cotton capris. This year at Bonnaroo, I almost had one in my cotton pedal pushers. My nylon blend pants however, are the best. things. ever.
• Fried food isn't good for four days. You start to crave things like fruit and vegetables.
• Funnel cake isn't good when you have been dieting for 4 months.
• Anu is the most wonderful person in the world. She is so fun. She is so caring. She is wonderful. If I liked tits, I would marry her.
• Sonic Youth is the best band in the world. They almost made me cry when they played a song from 1983 in their encore.
• Clap Your Hands Say Yeah is cool.
• Gomez is wonderful live.
• Picking Les Claypool over Beck was a wise decision in the end.

I've lost 26 pounds, officially. Unofficially (the difference being naked at home vs. dressed at gym... dressed at gym is official), I've lost 28. I'm starting to get some unwanted attention from people. Being fat is a nice way to insulate myself from people. Or men. Now, I'm not thin enough to get attention from the kind of men I want attention from... not that they won't give it as a rule, but I as a rule, am unwilling to entertain the thought that they will give any attention, thus low self image negates any attention giving potential . Last night, I got a beer at a bar while I waited for the restaurant I was treating myself to takeout from to open. A creepy guy followed me around the bar. Our conversation went like this:

CG: "It's a hot one today." KH: "Yes it is." (I keep watching track on ESPN2). CG: "It's a hot one today." KH: smiles and nods. CG: "So do you come here often?" (I'm not making that up) KH: "No, I've not been here before. Have you?" CG: "No, this is my first time here. My name's George" (that's not his name unless by some freak coincidence it is. I am completely unable to retain people's names. They tell me, I repeat it, I nod, I forget it. That's my life). KH: "Mine's Kristen." CG: "Do you come here a lot?" KH: "No." I managed to say no in a way that indicated I was done answering his questions twice cause he left.

But Creepy Guy is a step up from No Guy.

I've found this not angry assertive side of myself lately. Most of my assertiveness in life has been more like aggressiveness born out of the fact that I was really mad shit didn't go my way. However, in the past week or so, it's been changing. This makes me happy. I asserted myself with my boss by telling him what I wanted from my job. I did this before I was in a desperate and hopeless place of self/job hatred (when I wait until then, I always cry, and I didn't cry this time). I asserted myself with the manager at the massage place without yelling after my massage was not satisfactory. This probably doesn't count, but I was ready to assert myself by saying to the creepy guy: "I'm sorry; I don't feel like talking. I'd just like to sit here and drink my beer." I asserted myself with my now ex-therapist. This is a great new power.

I donated my clothes to Good Will yesterday. 2 bags of clothes sizes 26 to 22. I had to practice some slow breathing afterward: Don't panic Kristen, you will not need them again. Yes, I am admitting in public my dress size. I wear an 18 right now; however, I don't own but one pair of size 18 pants, so I'm sporting size 20s most of the time. This act of telling is causing me great angst, but it's time. In a few more pounds, I will say how much I weigh and how much I have weighed. When I hit 33 pounds, you will know. My two major goals right now are that 33 pound marker and buying a pair of pants at the Gap (probably in another 20 pounds or so). When I hit 33, I'm getting my ear cartilage pierced. My conservative bosses will love it.

Oh, the title. I live in this place: Houston, Texas. Where it will feel like 100 degrees at 7 tonight due to the humidity.