Ok, so, yeah, I am a yarn dork. Doesn't mean I can't kick your...

Yesterday, I went to my local neighborhood yarn store to unravel a poncho I had knit. I wanted to go in with 2/3 of a poncho and leave with two balls of yarn. This task was to be completed with the store's handy ball winder (which, the owner informed me, I could purchase if I was so inclined, hint, hint, hint). So I get there and I am all ready and excited to get started when a big, honking knot rears its ugly head. I would have taken a picture (except I don't have a digital camera) so here's my rendition of the knot.

Well, after five minutes with the knot, I get the great idea to find the other end and go from there. This is an absolutely asinine notion as the other end is a freakin' poncho (which had momentarily slipped my mind despite said poncho being IN MY LAP). Needless to say, this made things worse. Store employees had given up on me at this point, and I was left alone with my knot. I spent an hour trying to untangle the knot when I decided to cut it (despite the protests from the very patient yarn store employee, who kept telling me, you're almost done don't cut it). See, dorky little me started thinking: this knot can only have about 10 yards of yarn left in it. If I paid $8.25 for 215 yards, that equals 3.8 cents per yard or about 38 cents for the whole stinkin' knot. Ain't nothing worth 38 cents, especially driving myself crazy with a knot. After the cutting out of the knot, I completed the disheartening task of unravelling a 2/3-poncho (that took me two months to knit... this is, of course, at the pre-obsession rate) in about 2 minutes. It is now an ex-poncho.

Next topic. Last night I came to the realization that if I proceed as planned on my bolero, it will be backward. Here's why. I knit left handed. So, I go from left to right. The rest of the world, including patter designers knit from right to left. In addition, a stitch like ssk which provides a nice left sloping decrease instead provides me with a right sloping decrease. So, if I knit like a right hand person does, my left neck shaping would be on my left shoulder. It's very confusing, but the shit would be backward.

Update: The knot was 8 yards long. I untangled it last night.

Knitted Sickness

First of all, I feel really shallow because my Gran died on Monday, yet I'm going to complain about something stupid. However, despite my sadness over my Gran's death (which has actually been dragging me down since Monday and basically making me feel tired, groggy, emotional, flighty and unproductive), the only way I can deal is by whining about completely inane things. Rather than making myself crazy by questioning my reality, the meaning of life and death, or whether or not I was a good granddaughter, I will complain about my knitting ailment.

I have developed an unhealthy relationship with knitting. It goes like this: I am either 1) thinking about my knitting project 2) planning my next knitting project 3) wondering when I get to knit again or 4) wondering if my project is going to turn out or if it will be a horrible mess. Seriously, I would bring my knitting to work and knit during my breaks, but I wouldn't be able to stop and would get fired.

Anyway, category number four is a new kink in my obsession. So, I'm making a pattern from Summer 2005 interweave knits. I think it is going to be nice, but I had to alter is significantly to get it close to fitting me. However, there are several places with room for error. My first instinct was to just scale it up (you know take the divide between medium large and continue it on). Well, that works except it would be for a person who was proportionally longer. So large is for a person with a 38" bust who is 5'10" and my x-XL (that's x number of XLs) would be for a bust of 50" and who is 7' tall. Well, at my short, little 5'2" that just won't work. So, I made a number of changes based on a) my assumptions about the way the pattern is going to work and b) my actual measurements. There are numerous opportunities for error here (especially given my complete ignorance about the way clothes are made), and I'm convinced that my jacket is going to be a mess. Sorry, my bolero. Then there's the sort of overarching worry that maybe they didn't size it for really big girls because really big girls shouldn't be wearing cute, short jackets. We'll deal with that one once the damn thing is finished.

Other than thoughts of ruin and completely wasting time, I am actually quite excited about this pattern. It has lots of different things going on and is going to be the most difficult project I've done. More updates to come and (I hope, I hope) pictures.

French Market Bag

Btw, I just finished my French Market Bag and hope to be able to get photos of it up sometime. I plan to figure out a way today (the limiter being my lack of digital camera). I want pre and post felting photos. Today I start t-shirt.

Cars and Me

In this post, I plan to do something I've not done yet: poke fun at myself.

First, I dearly wish that I was born in Britain or Canada so that I would spell words like color and flavor with that fun extra 'u'. Then there's the word 'whilst'. It's such a freakin' cool word. Totally unnecessary, mind you but cool nonetheless (of course, that there is a fun word that, as an American, I can use without feeling like a poser).

Second, whilst I have been craving donuts for about three weeks, I am so lazy on the weekend that I can't get my ass out the door to go get said donuts. That's a way to eat fewer sweets: don't keep them in your house and be way too lazy to get them yourself.

Finally, the topic of the post. My car. Since I learned how to drive, I have believed my vehicles capable of completely breaking down at any moment. When I was 17, my father got me a 1991 Toyota Camry (which was about 5 years old at that point) which I leased from him. While I had it at Virginia Tech, I was convinced that at any moment it would, poof, stop running. Just stop with some unbelievable and (most importantly) outrageously expensive problem. Now that I own my own car, I have the same fear, but it is worse cause I am responsible for all repairs.

Part of this fear stems from the fact that I know nothing about my car or any car. I know the following: 1) They require gas to run. 2) They require $25 oil changes every 3000 miles 3) They make funny noises. 4) You turn the key to get them started. That's it. Despite some efforts to teach me more (most admirable were Axinar's efforts), I remain completely ignorant.

The rest of this fear stems from my father. Now, I have been in enough therapy to know that it is SO easy and quick to blame everything on your parents, but this is a real one. First of all, I believe that my father understands cars only marginally better than I do. However, he's very convincing when he says, "Don't do [insert activity here] to your car. It will break down, stop running and cost you an incomprehensibly large amount of money." For example, I was taught that you have to warm your car up for a minimum of five minutes no matter what the weather. As a rabid patron of public radio and a happy convert to Car Talk, I have taken Click and Clack's advice that you don't need to warm up your car unless it's winter in South Bend. So I don't do it anymore. That doesn't stop my from worrying that I am slowly killing my car. I also wait slightly more than 3,000 miles between oil changes (which according to my father is a cardinal sin of car maintenance. it's best to get it done 500 miles early than 1000 miles late). My father also told me that my Camry "wasn't designed to go father that 55 miles per hour" due to the small engine. Now, I always knew this was bullcrap, but it hasn't stopped me from worrying that my car is going to stop working while I speed along at (dear god stop me) 75.

Well, when I took my car to get a belt fixed (after a horrible, horrible noise that, I feel, almost justifies my irrational fear), the mechanics at the dealer (who I have been told by my father's mechanic in VA to never, ever go to again) told me that my shocks had to be replaced and that some bar thing (not really sure what it is called) needed fixed. I didn't do either mostly cause I am broke and don't have $800 lying around but also cause several people said the dealer was full of shit and just wanted to take my money. Well, now I am even more convinced that my car is going to stop running. Every bump is a death warrant. The shocks the shocks. EEEEEkkkk. Needless to say, driving will not be fun again until I get the shit fixed.

I think I am going to go get donuts.

Doin' Stuff Wrong

I hate doin' stuff wrong. If only cause then I have to do it over. I hate stayin' late at work fixin' somethin' only to realize I was doin' the damn thing wrong the whole time. Sheesh.



My favorite face. Thanks boognish.com!

PS The new White Stripes is so good. Like so good. Really.

Knitting

So, I have been knitting for about six months now. I first knit a scarf for my bestest friend (I plan to make her an improved one before long). The a scarf for my Granny (and one for me). I just finished a baby had for my other bestest friends' new baby, Frances. I really want to make this a self-indulgent smart ass/knitting combo blog but do not have a digital camera with which to show my fabulous projects. Anyway, right now, I am working on the following:

http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEwinter03/PATTfrenchmarket.html

Then I'm going to start:

http://knitty.com/ISSUEspring04/PATTt3.html

Followed by (the big bag):

http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEspring05/PATTmeshbags.html

I'm going through a knitty.com thing, but I love their stuff. I just bought a subscription to Interweave Knits and may insert some projects form there as well.

Homemade

Yesterday, some of my fabulous co-workers took me to lunch for my birthday. I was discussing a wedding shower being held at the office later that day when a woman told me that she "made brownies for the shower." Always on the hunt for a good brownie recipe, I asked, "Did you make them from scratch or a box?" She said, "Isn't making from a box, making them from scratch?" Now, she was joking, but here's my retort:

1) Boxes aren't less expensive. Granted if you have to buy sugar, flour and vanilla and only plan to use them once, it is probably more expensive. But every God-fearing American family should have those ingredients in their kitchen. Do you know that the only people who don't keep those ingredients in their kitchens are communists? That's right.

2) Boxes aren't less messy. To make boxed brownies, you dirty a bowl, a spatula, a pan and a measuring cup. Homemade brownies take a pot, a spoon, a pan and a measuring cup. Four each (of course, we are using the same spoon to measure vanilla and mix the brownies which is cheating a bit, but whatever. Only communists don't have dishwashers). In terms of volume of waste matter, it could be considered a wash (if not an actual victory for the homemade): one box, plastic from inside box, two egg shells vs. two butter wrappers, six chocolate wrappers and four egg shells.

3) Boxes save a marginal amount of time. I takes a few minutes to mix a box, let's say five. It takes probably ten minutes to do the homemade thing (five min to melt the chocolate and butter, five min to mix and measure the rest). Then it takes 25 min to bake both recipes (unless you are making something horrible like microwave brownies, but then you have no tastebuds and don't count anyway... and probably are a communist). Total, that's only five minutes or 15 percent more time. That's a freakin' commercial break of Dance with the Stars, no sweat.

4) The extra time it may take is totally made up for my the statistically significant difference in taste. Here's my proof. Many people buy brownies in restaurants, chain bakeries, or coffee shops. However, I won't. Neither will my Mom. You know why? Because we know that there is no way that those brownies will taste better than the ones we can make at home. No Way. However, people, fooled by box mixes to think the only things you can make at your house are inferior brownies, keep buying these subpar products. Why? Because they have no idea the orgasmic goodness of a homemade brownie. Plus, you make homemade brownies for an office party, and everyone (who isn't a commie) tells you how freakin' good they are.

This argument can not be made for homemade cookies (because now with the ultra-fast, already formed, no slicing required store dough, you can really get cookies in a jiffy... again, not as good. I once had a male roommate almost pass out when he tried my homemade cookie dough). Though it probably could be made for homemade cakes (though they take a bit of skill). Homemade frosting isn't even a contest (despite being significantly messier).

(don't know what got into me with the communist thing... have a nice weekend, comrades)